oh, today

So, today was one of those days when God kinda gives me a spiritual slap in the face. These last few weeks I had been really bugged by one the girls I work with, and she's a sweet girl, a christian, but without going into all the details I'll just sum it up by saying: I was frustrated with her. I wanted her to be bold and not settle for being mediocre, after all the junk that's been going on in my life I was so frustrated to hear her choose to be just "OK"! Well, after having a long talk with her (actually it was more her talking to me about her life experiences) I was completely blown away. I knew she had been through some pretty crazy things, but she went into it a little more by saying if life is never hard then we cant really appreciate the good things, if there are never downs when do we have amazing ups? (I paraphrased the last part). I was amazed that she could sit there and tell me this after all that she had been through. She basically ministered to me, and all I could do was sit there dumbfounded. Afterward I thought how I could be such a fool as to think so wrongly about someone else. And then, today we were put into groups for this new event we're having (let me know if you wanna buy a bag! It's a really, really good deal on some products. Great idea for Christmas gifts! Sisters, moms, aunts... :) Yep, I'm totally pushing products in my blog!) and let just say God is going to do some crazy work in my heart concerning my group. It brought me back to Dr. Thoennes' class, he said that he hoped we'd have someone in our group who we couldnt stand so that God would push us in loving those certain people that sometimes just doesn't come naturally! Wow, what a day

My hope

He gives more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sends more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction, He adds mercy,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed and the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving has only begun.

His love has no limits; His grace has no measure,
His power has no boundary known to men,
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He give, and gives, and gives again.

-Annie Johnston Flint

hymns are amazing

We're nearer home
We know not what's before us,
What trials are to come:
Each day that passes o'er us,
Still brings us nearer home.

Though dark our path, and lonely,
And clouds our sky o'ercast,
O let us each remember,
The storm will soon be past,
We're nearer, near home.

Whate'er of gloom or anguish
Life to ur hearts may bring,
In doubt we will not languish,
But cheerfully we'll sing,
We're nearer, nearer home.

A Saviour Ever Near
Hush'd be my murmurings, let cares depart,
Jesus is near to me to cheer my heart;
He's near to help me whilst life's hours remain,
He speaks to cheer me in toil and in pain,
He speaks to cheer me in toil and in pain.

Why should I languish- why should I fear:?
In sorrow and anguish, He's ever near;
Sleeping or waking- in pleasure or pain,
Roaming or resting, He'll near me remain.

Scenes that will vanish, smile on me now,
Joys of a moment play round my brow,
But soon in heaven He'll meet me again.
There'll end my sorrow, and there'll end my pain.

I love how hymns put everything out there. No hiding anything. They are so powerful. I wish we sung more of these in church today. I love the band and new music that's written, and I also think it'd be so great to throw in some hymns now and then on the piano, but that's just me! My last semester at Biola I had an amazing teacher who was in love with God and the hymns people wrote expressing their love. We sang one everyday before class and then we'd go over the meaning of it. I know I said this before but hymns are so POWERFUL!
The use of "old english" with the thees and thous, is so wonderful to me. Its more than just saying words, its poetry. It took time and effort to make each verse sound the way it does, and it gives me so much more appreciation for them. For example, in the psalms David used different kinds of poems and music to make his requests and anguish known to God. Like using the first word of the Hebrew alphabet to start each stanza?! I dont know hebrew, but I feel like that was no easy task.
Anyway, I think it's safe to say I really, really like hymns :)

makes me wonder

Its so funny how God works sometimes. At a time when you think that everything, for the most part, is pretty ok He shows me how much I needed to be comforted & how He loves me! Being able to spend time with a friend talking about her struggles and being able to talk about my own & in turn see how much I needed that encouragement. I also realized that I need and really want to be a devout prayer! Why is it that sometimes I feel awkward or out of place praying in public, or feel like I'm being a burden to people if I ask for prayer?? This nite was such a great eye opener. How different would my day be if I actually stopped and prayed, out loud with another saint? A lot different! Anyway, I really, really enjoyed tonite and can see how much I needed it.

p.s. keep praying for my Dad, his cough is still pretty bad, but he says he feels better but he's too antsy! He needs to stay in bed & get better! Thank you guys, so much!

its been awhile

Wow, I cant believe the last time I wrote in here was February. That's so weird...kinda wish it was February right now (I'll be done with school!). I know that I said I wasn't really going to write on my blog anymore but I dunno, I just felt like it today! So much has changed since I wrote those last few entry's. The first and most important being school. Its funny how much things can change in a few months. Every time I tried to write a sentence to describe what I dont like about school, I thought, "oh no that sounds vain." Or something like that, and the truth is I dont like school primarily because it makes me uncomfortable! And that's the sad truth of it. I think to say that it makes me uncomfortable is an understatement. Even as I write that I know that that is where I am meant to be, would it make sense to be here with the purpose we have as Christians and be comfortable? But still its so hard. I know that these are the kind of people Jesus hung out with (no tax collectors, but plently of the rest), but suffice to say- I am NOT Jesus! I've felt more intense spiritual warfare in this last week then I have in my whole life. I do have a strong Christian friend there, which I am so thankful for! One comment that she made in regards to all this was, "Its like you came from Hume lake to prison!" Needless to say it's been a rather large culture shock. So, if you are reading this, please please keep me in your prayers. Satan does not want me there and doesn't want me to believe & stay strong in Jesus.
On a different note, I may be going back to Biola in the fall of '10 and working to finish my degree. I'd really like to finish my degree & since I'll be on my own I may get more loans, maybe? Hopefully all my friends stick around for awhile so I'll get to see them! :) Not the reason I'm going back, but it would definitely be a perk!
well that's it for tonite.

no likey

I've realized I'm not a huge fan of blogging. I guess since I cant really keep a diary (though, believe me, I have tried!) it makes blogging less of an attraction for me. Sorry to all my fans... :)

Some thoughts

First, tomorrow is the big day: my first day of school, in a very different place than what I thought I would be at 3 months ago. I have so many emotions running through my mind: excitement, fear, anticipation, curiosity, and the list goes on. I think the fear of the unknown is what scares me the most, having to figure it out all over again. Kinda like being a freshman, only I get to sleep in my own bed which is nice and sad all at the same time. Even though I feel scared, the excitement I feel overwhelms all those other emotions, I cannot believe I get the opportunity to do something I love! I am so thankful that God has given me this chance, I am so undeserving!
Another thought I had today was after reading an article in Vogue magazine. This woman told her story about how her life was good and well, until her husband left her for another woman. She told about how sad and angry she was, but in the end they all made up and each of the ex spouses got remarried. This whole story led me to my thinking about a part that I saw in a movie recently with a woman whose marriage was obviously disintegrating, but was portrayed in a comical manner. And at the end of the movie, a friend of this woman said to her, "I'm sorry, I heard about your divorce." The woman then said, "Why? It's only my first, in my next one I want to get married in the Plaza." I was so shocked and saddened by this. Is this really what we've become? A society that says the first marriage is just a trial run, and you'll probably have better luck in your next marriages. How sad is that?! Now, granted I know the story in Vogue he was the one who was unfaithful, but the sanctity marriage has become so degraded in our society today. When and if I do get married I want to vow to my husband either on our wedding day or give him a written statement that says I will never, ever utter the word divorce, separation, or the phrase, "I'm leaving you". I want him to know that that will never be an option. Well, anyway those are just some thoughts I thought I'd share :)